What is the truth...

I just read an article on Wired Science about the biology of conflict, or as I read it about the biology of truth: http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/01/biology-of-conflict/

Michael Dodd of the University of Nebraska  showed 46 left- or right-leaning Nebraskans a series of images alternately disgusting (spiders on faces, open wounds) and appealing (smiling children, cute rabbits). Dodd's team found that conservatives reacted most strongly to negative images, and liberals most strongly to positive photographs.

Then he showed them pictures of well-known politicians. The same patterns held: Conservatives displayed more distaste than liberals for politicians they disliked, while liberals felt more positive than conservatives about politicians they liked. Given these and other findings, wrote Dodd's team, "those on the political right and those on the political left may simply experience the world differently."

That sounds pessimistic, but it doesn't have to be. It can be a healthy reminder that people with whom we disagree aren't stupid or irrational; they just have different perspectives.

Citation: "The political left rolls with the good and the political right confronts the bad: connecting physiology and cognition to preferences." By Michael D. Dodd, Amanda Balzer, Carly M. Jacobs, Michael W. Gruszczynski, Kevin B. Smith and John R. Hibbing. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, Vol. 367 No. 1589, March 5, 2012.


That just ties in well  with some of my recent thoughts about what the truth is. I always liked to think - or may be that is what I learned in my education - that the truth is the truth is the truth, and should always be openly available. Everyone is taught to tell the truth, everyone hates liers, not telling the truth can be illegal. Well, but here it looks like the truth is different for different people. What truth to tell?  I recently had a dispute with my ex-wife about some rules for the kids. It turned out, it was not only about these rules. Some general disagreements suddenly came up again - almost 7 years after divorce - and I first thought, wow, now I know again why I got divorced. After calming down a little I thought, how it is possible that different people can see the same reality so differently. Every divorcee probably knows what I am talking about. You live together with someone for years, you are in love and believe that you see the world with the same eyes, that you have the same goals. Later on you realize, the view of the world has never been the same, it just was never discussed so profoundly that the difference would have become obvious. Well, may be the truth is also different if you love someone? May be, it is not always good to tell the truth in any given situation?  Years ago, the common-law spouse of my mom had cancer. He was a great guy, and he did not have much knowledge about medical terms. He knew that cancer is bad, but probably heard that a (benign) tumor is harmless. So one day he came back from a hospital visit and told us about his results. He said, they say I have a tumor in the lung ... silence.... man, I am glad that it is not cancer. Silence again. I never told him the truth about his cancer, and he lived happily for a couple of more month. Was it a bad thing not to tell him the truth, I don't think so. When I had that dispute with my ex, I thought I had long enough not said the truth, and how I observe things, so I told the truth, my truth. Since she is a "I am right-always"-person, it escalated. Suddenly it was not about the original rules anymore, so I knew that I had to stop at that point. It probably will still have some negative effects on my relation with my kids. Was it good to tell the truth? I don't know. On one hand, I am glad that I can be direct this way without fearing any consequences, and not care about the opinion of others - which is a learning process in itself. But on the other hand, I begin to think that there are reasons (my kids, the love for someone) for not telling everything I think is the truth and thus should be told. May be keeping things to ourselves sometimes is actually the greater strength. 


Different people do see the world differently, they life in different worlds! Insisting on your own view might not always be the right strategy. I do appreciate my Southern friends, liberals or republicans, who after some political discussion, still want to drink a beer with you, shake your hand and invite you to their party. I am only hoping that in my life and in my world I have always the privilege to be with people who, despite different personal and political views, take the time to explore the realities of other people and of other worlds, and are wise enough to keep always a little space open in their heart for those with opposing views. Should they always tell me the truth? Yes please, under any circumstance, I think I can deal with it... and I do react stronger to positive pictures. 

The Southern Soul

I am fascinated by the Deep South, its natural beauty, history, and hospitality and by its people, the Southerners. However, I still have trouble understanding what makes people here tick. On my quest to get some deep understanding of the Southern soul, I found this web site: I have to say there is a grain of truth in this top ten list. Enjoy! (Warning! This page may contain a little humor, if you are allergic to humor in any form, please do not continue to read. Warning!)

http://www.hospitalitymanagementschools.net/blog/2010/10-ways-to-know-youre-a-true-southerner/

10 Ways to Know You’re a True Southerner

The South has taken a beating from the rest of the country since the conclusion of the Civil War. Not only was the recovery long and arduous, but the region has also taken a psychological thrashing that has included scathing stereotypes perpetuated by outsiders who are unfamiliar with its culture. True Southerners, however, pay little mind to those who besmirch their home and heritage. Their love for all things Southern is undying – it has been instilled from generation to generation – and they wouldn’t change their lifestyle for anything in the world. If you’re a true Southerner, you likely possess most of the characteristics, habits, hobbies, preferences and beliefs listed below.

1. You speak like you’ve never left the South
   Your accent is thick and twang is sharp. You speak slower than your Yankee friends. And when you leave the region, heads immediately turn when you speak up. Your accent combined with your liberal usage of Southern sayings like “that dog won’t hunt” and “fixin’ to go” gives people the impression that you’re speaking an entirely different language.
2. You’d rather be hunting or fishing right now
   Southern men enjoy spending their free time hunting and fishing – it has long been a favorite pastime of the region. Previous generations had an intimate knowledge of the land, utilizing its natural resources. Each state is adorned with an abundance of rivers, lakes, creeks and forests that supply endless amounts of fish and game. If you’re from the South, chances are, you’ve fried catfish and cooked venison that you caught on your own.
3. If it’s below 60 degrees outside, you think it’s cold
   You dust off the winter coat when temperatures dip below 60 degrees, especially if you live in states in the Deep South like Mississippi and Louisiana, where the average yearly temperature is well above the national average. And if there’s even a half-inch of snow, your entire town shuts down as if the End Times are upon us.
4. Sweet tea accompanies every meal
   When you ask for tea at a restaurant in the South, it always comes back sweet. If you want unsweet tea, it must be requested, but your Southern-ness may be called into question. Sweet tea accompanies almost every meal – it’s excellent with a couple of pieces of fried chicken and tater salad. A sweaty pitcher filled with ice, a couple of lemons and sugary tea is a staple of every Southern dinner table.
5. You don’t hesitate to befriend strangers
   You’re a promoter of Southern Hospitality. You strike up conversations with random people and they instantly become your friends. You wave to passersby who you’ve never seen before and welcome new neighbors into your home as if they were a part of your family.
6. You think manners are important
   You’ve always addressed men as “sir” and women as “ma’am.” You say “please” and “thank you” often. You use proper etiquette at the dinner table regardless of where you’re eating. You dress nicely when you’re in the presence of others. If you’re a guy, you always hold doors open for Southern belles and stand when they leave the room.
7. You attend church religiously
   And if you didn’t, your pastor and family would think you’ve lost your mind. Your community is heavily influenced by the local church, which is likely Southern Baptist. After all, the South is a part of the Bible Belt, and religion plays a big role in the daily lives of Southerners. You believe in family values and raise your children in a socially conservative environment.
8. Your great-grandparents were Democrats and you’re a Republican
   From the Civil War era to the mid-20th century, the Southern states voted Democratic because the party was the defender of states’ rights. As the parties realigned and the Republican Party began to represent the fiscal and social conservatism, the South became entirely red. Resultantly, families that had voted Democratic for generations started to vote Republican. If you’re great-grandfather was a Democrat and you’re a Republican, but your ideologies are essentially the same, you’re a true Southerner.
9. You think it was a War of Northern Aggression
   You’re adamant that the Civil War was a War of Northern Aggression and it was fought over states’ rights. Your great-great-great-grandfather dreaded the prospect of an expanded federal government, and you hold the same believes today regarding the current government. You despise William Tecumseh Sherman and cringe every time you hear his name.
10. You have a lingering hatred for Yankees
    Sure, you may have no direct descendants who fought in the war – you may even be just a third generation American – but your hatred for the destruction and lifestyle changes caused by those damn Yankees still burns your hide. Although you welcome them to visit, you wish they’d stop moving to the region.

Day dreaming on the slope of Shades mountain

I saw this poem first on a dating site. Never contacted that particular Southern lady, although I was very impressed with her. Well, strictly she did not count as a Southern lady since she was not from around here - too keep with the topic of the blog, subtopic romance in the Deep South :-). The poem is a dream so far away from our daily lives, yet probably the truth and where we should head. Human beings are so crazy and living in their little self-created fantasy worlds (I just had another encounter of that), so why not being "crazy" like in the poem, and thereby actually being real. I sometimes fear to become closed and shrivelled by life's little betrayals, yet often I do shout 'Yes' again after another of my failures. I still wonder if we ever will be as open to life as in our dreams.

The Invitation

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to

be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can

disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,

from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved

Seeds of inspiration

I know I am not much of a writer. I guess it is more therapeutic than anything else. It helps to clear up my mind, it helps to deal with issues and to get new visions. Sometimes, when I was writing it was in the months after a break up. As a student in college, after my first big heardache, I started a diary, a book of my own philosophy, and I also started writing down poems. It is said that many great art was done because the artist suffered in some way from life. Not that I am a great artist, or suffer all the time, but the roots may be similar. Sometimes, I catch an idea that I really like and which somehow suddenly just fits into the greater network of things for me, and it solves a problem my mind is concerned with. That's also a good reason to sit down, and write down a note to yourself. I still remember the first time I was writing something which was of a greater value to me. It was a significant event which somehow changed my view of life. It was during a time when the mind of a young individual is shaped. It was in 7th grade, I think. I must have been, around the age of twelve or thirteeen. We had to write an assay in English literature with the topic "What I want to achieve as a grown-up". We had to read in class what we had put on paper. So we heard a lot of I want to be married, have 2 kids and a house and oh yes, I forgot to mention the cars. Someone said bluntly, I want to have a good job and want to become rich, at least that was how I understood it. And there were plenty more imaginary houses, wifes, sportscars and lots of kids jumping up and down above the heads in that classroom. Why would anyone would want to become just like their boring old parents? I didn't get it. Then came the teacher's pets, they wanted to become teachers and help thousands of young minds to florish. At least that was something I could understand, even though it came from the nerds. Then the teacher asked me. She was one of my favorite teachers, simply because I loved reading all the great literature in class. Unfortunately the admiration did not go both ways, my grades were not really great with her, and that's probably why I am not a writer today…. just kidding. Well, I stood up and started reading my one and a half pages full with spelling mistakes. I can still hear me reading, that I aspired to become a wise old man. I explained that I probably would not always reach my goals, but that I would try again and again to achieve these goals, that I wanted to become a wise man who understands the world and would try to use the knowledge to make a difference. When I finished my classmates applauded. I never liked to be the center of attention, but this time I was confident and I knew that what I had written was something which would last. Afterwards even one of the nerds had a crush on me. Not that I had appreciated it very much at the time, well, may be they turned out not too bad as grown-ups. Anyways, we were reading all this great literature, so I never understood why most of my classmates were not inspired at all, but only had that little dream of a happy life in their heads, wife, kids, car and house. I guess society needs both types of people, the ones carrying the traditions on and the ones going off to search and explore. Later in life I sometimes envied them and their happy lifes in their neck of the woods. But for me at this moment and in the following years as a teenager it started to become clear that my life would be different. I still got a bad grade at the end of the year, but that did not affect my admiration for literature which had planted that little seed in a young man's mind which would grow into something new and great. My kids just turned 11 and 12 this year. A while ago they still wanted to become a physician and a rock star, but I can't wait to see if there are any other signs of the choices they will make for their lifes. I am already excited to watch the new seeds grow.

Generation X - the lost one

Our society gave us a very good education, and with that education, and the wealth the baby boomers created, came the lust for freedom. Freedom to be independent, freedom to be creative, well in a way a self-centered freedom. I think it must be a phenomenon of our generation, generation X - the lost one. And worse, it doesn't seem to really get better while we grow older. Because of that divorce numbers grow, numbers of single households grow, yet people are not happy and are longing for the committed relationships in an old fashioned marriage again. Are we really able to learn from our mistakes? I mean not just stepping from one "prince charming" to the next one. I wonder if for our generation another form of relationship is possible (even in good ol' Alabama): live your own life AND have a committed relationship. A well dosed amount of alone time, AND the commitment of a good relationship. I know coming from a man that might sound unrealistic, but  I am referring to a GOOD relationship. If you have to co-habit to control the actions of your partner, what kind of relationship is that? Don't get me wrong, nothing against living with someone, it is just not a goal in itself. Well, in Alabama things are very "laid-back" in several ways. It is a different world down here. Southern ladies and gentlemen are different, and generation x issues might not be as prevalent as in more progressive parts of the country. Yet divorce rates in second and third marriages are high here as well. Time to start thinking? Are we able to adjust to the new opportunities of this millenium? Well there is hope, and not only for men.

 

These women look open minded; isn't that just attractive?