These women look open minded; isn't that just attractive?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Generation X - the lost one
Our society gave us a very good education, and with that
education, and the wealth the baby boomers created, came the lust for
freedom. Freedom to be independent, freedom to be creative, well in a
way a self-centered freedom. I think it must be a phenomenon of our generation, generation X - the
lost one. And worse, it doesn't seem to really get
better while we grow older. Because of that divorce numbers grow, numbers of single households grow, yet people are not happy and are longing for the committed relationships in an old fashioned marriage again. Are we really able to learn from our mistakes? I mean not just stepping from one "prince charming" to the next one. I wonder if for our generation
another form of relationship is possible (even in good ol' Alabama): live
your own life AND have a committed relationship. A well dosed amount of
alone time, AND the commitment of a good relationship. I know coming from a man that might sound unrealistic, but I am referring to a GOOD relationship. If you have to co-habit to control the actions of your partner, what kind of relationship is that? Don't get me wrong, nothing against living with someone, it is just not a goal in itself. Well, in Alabama things are very "laid-back" in several ways. It is a different world down here. Southern ladies and gentlemen are different, and generation x issues might not be as prevalent as in more progressive parts of the country. Yet divorce rates in second and third marriages are high here as well. Time to start thinking? Are we able to adjust to the new opportunities of this millenium? Well there is hope, and not only for men.
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Okay, Karl, time for me to chime in on one of your blogs for a change. You are hitting on a few very interesting points. I'm not sure what the Time article was about, or if it's even relevant to the topic of mid-life relationships, but here's my take on the matter.
ReplyDeleteWhen we couple-up in our 20s-30s, we are typically looking for a mate who will be a good friend, co-parent, lover, co-borrower on that McMansion mortgage and 50/50 partner in general. But when you find yourself single again in your 40s, the perimeters for coupledom understandably are different. Most 40-somethings aren't looking to start families or merge assets and build lives in the same ways we did when we were younger. And once that new order is accepted, it actually does free you up to have a different and perhaps better relationship that is "inter-dependent" (my therapists favorite term) rather than co-dependent or just plain dependent.
I've just gone through the process of setting aside my old, outdated "wish list." A lot of those wishes are obsolete and some were down-right unrealistic. At the risk of sounding too feminist, there are not a lot of must-haves on my Prince Charming list anymore. The ones that are on there are vital (and since you read my blog, you probably know what they are.) Likewise, I am relieved that I don't have to be somebody's everything. I'm all grown up now and should have lives of my own that can be enriched by a relationship with someone who respects my interests, shares my outlook on life and challenges me to be a better person.
I think there is hope for envisioning a new form of relationships —even in the good ol' traditional south.
Thanks Brigid for your comment. I appreciate your input. Someone on the plane from Atlanta recently joked that Birmingham is the biggest small town around in the South. I guess they say that for a reason. Whenever I come back from a big city full of interesting and open-minded people, I notice the slight differences. But Birmingham IS beautiful and I guess it is not a problem if you live in that little progressive bubble around UAB. On the other hand the people I know are very tolerant of different life styles, which may be another typical and good character trait of the Southern ladies and gentlemen. That's why I like it around here. "There is nothing good, except you do it", meaning if we want to change society we need to do the necessary steps and give a good example. So yes, I am with you there is hope in the good ol' traditional south. It is just a little harder to find the like-minded.
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